Identifying a Sensitive New Age Troll

Some are self-explanatory.

Please braid my hair 

Some will wipe their sludge all over you, dare you try and escape.

Ragh?

Others will trap you in their labyrinth of fragility. Frequently throwing razor-blade parties and drafting suicide notes amidst a sea of bleeding, like-minded Sensitive New Age Troll pity-pals.

I want to violently weep on your chest when we make love, Lauren. 

New Amusement Park Ride Labelled Sponsored Slaughter

                                                  



COLOURED-CATASTROPHY CENTRAL-- Disney's newest roller coaster, Sponsored Slaughter, opened this spring, following extensive research done by the Morgues Are Fun Association. 


Spokesperson for the association, Sherry Tyler, reported "The majority of amusement park goers just want to plummet to their death. Last year, 67,000 people died here. Typically you'd think that'd deter your average person from getting on board...but what we found was quite the opposite. In fact, we've been operating Sponsored Slaughter around the clock. Mainly for the parents wanting to gently shove their entire families onto the ride".


Maintenance man, James Stewart, added "I breeds the cats that live in the gears. Grrrrrrrr".


Wet 'N Wild are said to be designing a rapid drowning ride to compete.